Understanding your parenting style is one of the most important steps toward becoming a more intentional parent. According to clinical psychologist Coda Derrig, PhD, there are four main parenting styles typically described in parenting research and popular media .
The Four Parenting Styles
| Parenting Style | Rule Enforcement | Love & Encouragement | Key Features |
|---|---|---|---|
| Authoritative | High | High | Balanced, flexible, communicative |
| Permissive | Low | High | Friend-like, nurturing, few boundaries |
| Authoritarian | High | Low | Strict, controlling, little warmth |
| Neglectful | Low | Low | Uninvolved, minimal expectations |
1. Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents encourage rules while also giving kids plenty of affection and encouragement. “Authoritative parenting is all about compromise, negotiation, and working reasonably together,” Dr. Derrig explains. “That ability to work with others is something you don’t really see modeled as well with other parenting styles” .
Characteristics:
- Listening to your child
- Asking for their perspective
- Praising their successes
- Setting clear boundaries and sticking to them as appropriate
Example: If your child is being bullied and chose to fight back, you would:
- Consider their feelings and have them explain how they were feeling
- Reinforce the rules and remind them that fighting and violence are never OK
- Be flexible and acknowledge they were caught in a difficult situation
- Use proper consequences, being thoughtful about what would discourage this behavior in the future while being mindful it’s a unique situation
Impact: Studies suggest kids of authoritative parents experience high levels of self-efficacy (belief in themselves) and academic achievement . This style is also associated with reduced externalizing problems over time .
2. Permissive Parenting
With permissive parenting, affection and reinforcement are prioritized, while rules are relaxed. Rather than being an authority figure, permissive parents often take on a friend-like role with their child .
Characteristics:
- Low rule enforcement
- High love and encouragement
- Friend-like relationship
- Few boundaries
Impact: Kids of predominantly permissive parents may have more difficulty adhering to rules as they grow up. “When permissive parenting, the child becomes the captain of the ship,” Dr. Derrig says. This can lead to troubles like engaging in risky behaviors, developing unhealthy eating habits, having low levels of self-regulation, and a “me first” perspective .
3. Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting enforces rules and boundaries without much space for affection. As an authoritarian parent, you’re firmly in charge—and there’s little-to-no wiggle room for veering off course. Authoritarian parents have high expectations, and the consequences for missteps can be harsh .
Characteristics:
- High rule enforcement
- Low love and encouragement
- Strict, controlling
- Harsh consequences
Impact: Authoritarian parenting doesn’t help your child have a secure attachment to you, so it can damage your relationship and affect future relationships. Kids of authoritarian parents may manifest bullying or aggressive behavior, or become overly passive and anxious to avoid punishment .
4. Neglectful Parenting
Neglectful, or uninvolved, parenting is characterized by low levels of affection and few, if any, enforced rules. Parents may take care of their child’s basic needs for food, clothing, and shelter, but not much more .
Characteristics:
- Low rule enforcement
- Low love and encouragement
- Minimal involvement
- Low expectations
Impact: Kids of neglectful parenting may be highly self-sufficient because they learn they can’t expect others to help them. They can have trouble developing healthy relationships later in life . Studies suggest maladaptive parenting may increase risk factors for various problems .
Which Style Is Best?
Research consistently points to authoritative parenting as the most beneficial. It combines the structure and expectations of authoritarian parenting with the warmth and support of permissive parenting. This balance gives children both security and room to grow.
The Bottom Line
The parenting style you follow is often rooted in how you were raised, the challenges you’ve faced, and your overall personality . Knowing what each type looks like can help you understand how you approach parenting challenges—and what adjustments might help you become the parent you want to be. As Dr. Derrig notes, “The best parenting style balances enforcing rules and showing plenty of love” .